Thursday, 7 January 2010

Shocking Increase in the Use of Illicit Buddhism

There is a new plague sweeping this nation, a silent epidemic ravaging our land, destroying our loved ones, our families and friends and tearing the fiber of our society wide open. It’s called Buddhism and it’s definitely real and it's definitely unrepentant and unforgiving. This scourge called Buddhism is known by many different street names such as Zen, Nichern, Theravada, Vajrayana, The Path, The Dharma or The Way and it has its roots in the deep dark and shady past of ancient India.

The man they call the Buddha first synthesized this terror around 500 BC and until recently it has been confined to a small portion of the population. But somehow, something went wrong. The word got out and buzz words and phrases enticing our loved ones in like ‘pain is inevitable, suffering is optional’, ‘we are what we think’ and worst of all ‘come and see for yourself’ have been heard cropping up all over this great land.

Buddhism is worse than meth, its worse than heroin and almost as bad as marijuana; and it must be stopped at all costs.

What can you do?

Here is a list of problems that could indicate that a loved one of yours could be using Buddhism without your knowledge. Be careful not to automatically assume, however, that Buddhism is the problem. You'll need to sort out with your loved ones exactly what the problem is and try to identify any Buddhist use, perhaps with the help of a family counselor or psychologist or a Fox News pundit. Keep in mind that even if there is no Buddhism use going on yet, there is always the possibility that a loved one could be drawn into the sick twisted world of loving kindness, contemplative meditation and self-reflection.

Personal changes that could indicate signs of Buddhist use in a loved one:

  1. Increased awareness of surroundings
  2. A propensity to sit in quiet introspection, sometimes for long periods of time
  3. Behavior problems such as bowing, and repeating ‘red flag’ words like Thank You, Please and Metta
  4. Losing interest in the past or future; Obsessive amount of time spent in the present moment
  5. A sudden influence of a new crowd, tough street thugs known as Roshis, Lamas or Venerables
  6. Personality changes – Gradual loss of fear, hostility and attachment to material items
  7. 'Cushion Ass'
  8. Loss of interest in activities such as materialism, racking up debt or shopping at The Gap
  9. Increased forgetfulness of self
  10. The bizarre tendoncy to start a personal Buddhist blog even though there are hundreds out there
  11. An unhealthy attraction to squirrels, and a bitter loathing of Badgers
  12. The freakish ability to hold in farts for hours 
  13. Chronic Wedgies
  14. The weird ability to come up with circular questions that have no answers (this should not be confused with politicians)
  15. A disturbing trend towards becoming more ‘green’, eating less meat and discussing worldly issues
  16. An increased frequency of referring to people as ‘sentient beings’
  17. Increased feelings of hope, understanding, peace, acceptance and unconditional love
  18. A disconcerting drive to be awake, which has been known to cause problems such as sleep issues, herpes or loose stools
  19. Flat Butt
  20. A total hatred of Huey Lewis and the News
Things to look for:

Meditation Dens – Also known as Med. Dens, Zendos, Sanghas or 'my bedroom floor'. Loved ones may spend large quantities of time either at home or at a common area spent practicing these deranged black arts and rituals of Buddhism. These sick Med Dens are sometimes adorned with scary Asian shit, like gongs, statues, NASCAR posters and yes, even Asian people.

**Do not attempt to approach a Buddhist on your own, they have been known to hug people, say pleasant things and smile at random.**

Look for Buddhist paraphernalia such as cushions with a well worn ass marks, small statues of some Indian fellow and a debilitating addiction to purchasing Buddhist books. Prayer beads, candles, prayer bowels (yes, I see now I misspelled bowls) and incense have also been known to be found in the 'Med Den's' of these sick depraved people. We can consider any of these items as a strong sign that Buddhist activity has been perpetrated recently.

Random Koan tests might be necessary to rule out the use of Zen. A popular koan test is to ask your loved one what the sound of one hand clapping is. If he or she answers with a smile and says some nonsense about hand and sound being no different, then there is a strong possibility your loved one has been affected by Zen. This is the worst of all the Buddhist strains.

If you do not act immediately, your loved one may be lost forever. He or she may be driven to even more hardcore afflictions such as Yoga, Vegetarianism, Empathy or even worse, realizing happiness. The true nature of one’s existence is nothing to screw around with folks. Be alert, be watchful and be afraid…be very afraid.


  1. waitaminnit -- just what is wrong with huey lewis?? O.o

  2. Hilarious - lol. Keep up the good work - I enjoy visiting here!

  3. 'even worse than marijuana' !! LOL!

  4. You misrepresent Tathagata.

    You misrepresent Tathagata words.

    You misrepresent Tathataga.

  5. not funny

  6. 敬爱的佛教信土:

    最近, 在网络上看了PHRA PIYATHAMMO和尚和马华公会鸱唛区主席叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师的双方信件, 使我的内心久久不能平伏, 良心受到很大的譴責, 不吐訢不痛快, 所以我要誠恳的説:他叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)侓师叫外来的流流氓到三宝寺(暹廟)挑衅和尚打架及电招警方人员扣捕沙彌, 其嘲笑手法, 不外是要显示其权力, 而鞏固其职位, 以达到权力就是一切, 好让住持难堪, 自动離开, 方便行事……这种举动, 已间接的表逹其含意, 住持和尚兼顾问, 都无能为力,你们这些信徒能做什么?即使告马耒西亜佛教总会又能为难什么?这种心态, 的硧令人反感, 不是一个正信佛教者应有的行为。

    至今, 三宝寺的理事成员多数是其親戚, 这是实事, 加入会员需交RM100元费用,同时,必须经过叶金福(Yip Kum Fook)律师的同意,否则免談, 所以会员也不多。

    马华公会鹅唛区主席叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师,自控制三宝寺之後,把三宝寺(暹廟)当着私人產業,聘用和尚賺钱,利用佛教的道地为政治活动埸所,而处理三宝寺的钱财也不透明?这点,值得信众追问。马来西亚地擴人多,和尚也不缺乏,为什么不用本地和尚当任住持化缘,却偏偏劳心劳神,浪费签证费,交通费? 还要烦劳梹城佛总的推荐信, 向文化不同, 而語言又不通之千哩外囯缅旬和尚求助? 为什么….为什么? 只要我们用头脑想一想,便一日了然, 不必晝虎添足。

    叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak )律师说:欢迎任何人如有意见,可以电话03:62762369/0122039700 Email: YIPKUMFOOK@HOTMAIL.COM 戓到其马华公会鹅唛区会甲洞三宝寺及以下地圵:NO.2,B JALAN 53 TAMAN DESA JAYA KEPONG 52100 SELANGOR, MALAYSIA.討論, 我要老实的提醒大家, 最好不要一个去見他, 因为这个人狡滑, 笑裡藏刀, 很阴险, 出家人都不放在眼裡, 連TAMAN DAYA 52100 KEPONG, KUALA LUMPUR. 众人的印度廟也敢放火燒, 利用权势把场地佔为己有, 由此可见, 他是何等的心毒? 还有现在三宝寺内, 各处都按裝计孔监视来人一举一动。

    目前, 三宝寺很多信徒及当地居民, 已经对叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak )律师不满, 但也不能做什么。他计划把三宝寺主席的职位轉给其子YIP JIUN HANN律师, 续承皇朝. 想近一部了觧詳情, 可上网得知。

    再说, 根据前理事在网络上给叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师的批評, 説他懂得包裝自己的道德守则, 以宗教为幌子手, 到处募款, 啇業经营, 政治活动为重, 并没依循佛教守則行事, 也没对人道作出貢献, 只不过借三宝寺宗教之名捞取权和私利而己, 其言也不为过, 是实事。

    在此, 我恳切希望, 廣大的佛教信仰者, 给予关注, 并共創義举, 弘扬佛教. 谢谢。

    Mr Lim Sok Chia敬啟
    Ms Yap